Tuesday, November 25, 2008
What to write
I haven't written anything since the day my mother died. Nothing really important to write about. I did get one comment to that post. Some I want to say insane but I realize unfortunately he is the normal Christian. This is it below.
Kevin said..."I am sorry to hear about the circumstance with your mother, and I most certainly will not lie, claiming "I understand what you're going through." Nonetheless (and I know this is an old post), I fail to see (through what you have written) evidence of the fruit of following Christ in your life, nor hope you are offering to those who do not know Him"
Are people that stupid really? Because I am Christian do I have be a part of a group of people who are this stupid? really? Didn't even leave an email. He is probably in Bible college. I just have a feeling. Your mother dies and they send you a tax bill on that day! If i could find this kid I would have to beat some perspective into him for his own good.
I have pretty much cut ties with most Christian "friends" and "ministry partners". Basically anyone who is not really connected to us or interested in keeping in touch or has not made any effort in the past 7 years to keep connected. It feels good actually. There were a lot of people I simply went to church with and felt obligated to relationally because a.) I am Christian or b.) because we went to the same place once a week a long time ago. No more fake smiles and newsletters and praise the Lords. I am surrounded by non-Christians now ,who treat me much better by the way, I guess because they are not worried about their own holiness so much.
What is new? we are looking for a new apartment/ house. We may be able to get into the Asagaya jutaku. This is where the gallery we used to volunteer is at. The other option is an , very small, and cold apartment. But it is pretty cool. This doesn't mean every week I don't wonder whether I should leave Japan or not.
gotta go my baby needs some floor time.
Kevin said..."I am sorry to hear about the circumstance with your mother, and I most certainly will not lie, claiming "I understand what you're going through." Nonetheless (and I know this is an old post), I fail to see (through what you have written) evidence of the fruit of following Christ in your life, nor hope you are offering to those who do not know Him"
Are people that stupid really? Because I am Christian do I have be a part of a group of people who are this stupid? really? Didn't even leave an email. He is probably in Bible college. I just have a feeling. Your mother dies and they send you a tax bill on that day! If i could find this kid I would have to beat some perspective into him for his own good.
I have pretty much cut ties with most Christian "friends" and "ministry partners". Basically anyone who is not really connected to us or interested in keeping in touch or has not made any effort in the past 7 years to keep connected. It feels good actually. There were a lot of people I simply went to church with and felt obligated to relationally because a.) I am Christian or b.) because we went to the same place once a week a long time ago. No more fake smiles and newsletters and praise the Lords. I am surrounded by non-Christians now ,who treat me much better by the way, I guess because they are not worried about their own holiness so much.
What is new? we are looking for a new apartment/ house. We may be able to get into the Asagaya jutaku. This is where the gallery we used to volunteer is at. The other option is an , very small, and cold apartment. But it is pretty cool. This doesn't mean every week I don't wonder whether I should leave Japan or not.
gotta go my baby needs some floor time.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
"In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes."
"In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes." Ben Franklin
Today my mother will be pulled off of life suport after battling Hepatitis B for 20 years. Today I got a bill from the taxation office for "Residence Tax" for $840 (last month I got a refund from taxes for almost the same amount-ha ha- fucking bastards!). Apparently you get taxed for being alive here in Japan. People are dying to get out of paying it.
Today my mother will be pulled off of life suport after battling Hepatitis B for 20 years. Today I got a bill from the taxation office for "Residence Tax" for $840 (last month I got a refund from taxes for almost the same amount-ha ha- fucking bastards!). Apparently you get taxed for being alive here in Japan. People are dying to get out of paying it.
Friday, March 21, 2008
The Organization Man
I have started another book I got for 100 yen called The Organization Man. Here is an excerpt.
"There are only a few times in organizational life when he can wrench his destiny into his own hands- and if he does not fight then, he will make a surrender that will mock him. But when is that time?...He does feel an obligation to the group; he does sense moral constraints on his free will. If he goes against the group, is he being courageous-or just stubborn? Helpful-or selfish? Is he, as he so often wonders, right after all? It is in the resolution of a multitude of such dilemmas, I submit, that the real issue of individualism lies today."
I fear I have been a coward most of my life settling for things that although widely accepted, I know are not right. I feel as though my life has been dictated by the default. I am a passive bystander. The best falls prey to the tyranny of the urgent. The urgent thing usually involves money. Now I understand why money is the root of all kinds of evil.
"There are only a few times in organizational life when he can wrench his destiny into his own hands- and if he does not fight then, he will make a surrender that will mock him. But when is that time?...He does feel an obligation to the group; he does sense moral constraints on his free will. If he goes against the group, is he being courageous-or just stubborn? Helpful-or selfish? Is he, as he so often wonders, right after all? It is in the resolution of a multitude of such dilemmas, I submit, that the real issue of individualism lies today."
I fear I have been a coward most of my life settling for things that although widely accepted, I know are not right. I feel as though my life has been dictated by the default. I am a passive bystander. The best falls prey to the tyranny of the urgent. The urgent thing usually involves money. Now I understand why money is the root of all kinds of evil.
Bocce
Looking for good spring cheap fun- bocce. I brought a cheap set over from the US and have recently been getting good use out of it. People look at us a little strangely but that is nothing new here in Japan.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
kindred
As I continue to read Walden I realize that most of my thoughts on where culture is headed along with my philosophy on many issues Thoreau shared. I am a bit relieved to tell you the truth. Most times I think I am the only one who thinks the way I do. That tends to make me think I am one crazy and two wrong. I see so many things that are just wrong to me and I am not comfortable just deciding to think positively about them. It is dishonest to me and I feel like I am avoiding life to fit in. "how are you doing? great". A lot of people are not doing great unless they ignore 90% of the crap that is going on around them. The world seems fundamentally broken to me and going in the wrong direction. I see that have a few choices on how to deal with this fact. A.) Smile and focus on the few remaining positive things in life and do my best to get by meanwhile avoiding any conflict by not even discussing it. key word avoid B.) Try to live purposefully and figure out solutions or find some that already exist and were forgotten. Basically deal with life somehow so that I can look myself in the mirror even though I will seem like a complainer to some.
Anyway Walden got me thinking about a book i read when I was about 10- "My Side of the Mountain". It was later turned into a movie. Its about a boy who takes a sabbatical into the mountains carving out a tree to live in and spending time living off the land. He was inspired to do this while reading Walden.
One topic Thoreau rabbit trails onto was philanthropy which I believe could safely encompass charity. Basically it is so often misplaced not really helping the "poor" soul we intend to help. He was originally discussing his inventory of necessary supplies for living when he was side tracked into such an intense topic which is one of my traits. I am sure all of us has received that "well meaning gift" whether physical, spiritual or otherwise that has caused us more harm than good. I remember my grandparents bought me a trailer. It wasn't a double wide just a 35ft by 8ft trailer. They wanted me to have a place to stay when i went home from college once a month for Air National Guard duty. It was a nice thought but after I graduated from school I felt burdened because I wanted to get away. They didn't ask me if I wanted it. How selfish of me and how nice of them. Yah i know. My point is we are going to get "help" from others whether we want it or not. I hope we can all remember this when we are deciding what Christmas presents to buy.
It has been my long held belief that most times people "help" others to be a helpful person and not to really help. In other words it is for us not the other person at all. Does this sound cynical? The heart is wicked above all things. We usually buy gifts we would want ourselves or at least if we were them that we would want. This is true of other forms of help like advice. Helping others gives us purpose and that is not a bad thing to have purpose but if that is the motive hidden or otherwise then it is pure evil. At the expense of others and maybe what is the right thing to do we charge on "helping" people. Doctors take an oath to "do no harm" sometimes that means doing nothing. There is a responsibility when we take on the serious matters of charity. People's lives are at stake. Are we sure we are doing the right thing? I think we tend to take a lot more risk with other people's lives and problems than we would our own.
Anyway Walden got me thinking about a book i read when I was about 10- "My Side of the Mountain". It was later turned into a movie. Its about a boy who takes a sabbatical into the mountains carving out a tree to live in and spending time living off the land. He was inspired to do this while reading Walden.
One topic Thoreau rabbit trails onto was philanthropy which I believe could safely encompass charity. Basically it is so often misplaced not really helping the "poor" soul we intend to help. He was originally discussing his inventory of necessary supplies for living when he was side tracked into such an intense topic which is one of my traits. I am sure all of us has received that "well meaning gift" whether physical, spiritual or otherwise that has caused us more harm than good. I remember my grandparents bought me a trailer. It wasn't a double wide just a 35ft by 8ft trailer. They wanted me to have a place to stay when i went home from college once a month for Air National Guard duty. It was a nice thought but after I graduated from school I felt burdened because I wanted to get away. They didn't ask me if I wanted it. How selfish of me and how nice of them. Yah i know. My point is we are going to get "help" from others whether we want it or not. I hope we can all remember this when we are deciding what Christmas presents to buy.
It has been my long held belief that most times people "help" others to be a helpful person and not to really help. In other words it is for us not the other person at all. Does this sound cynical? The heart is wicked above all things. We usually buy gifts we would want ourselves or at least if we were them that we would want. This is true of other forms of help like advice. Helping others gives us purpose and that is not a bad thing to have purpose but if that is the motive hidden or otherwise then it is pure evil. At the expense of others and maybe what is the right thing to do we charge on "helping" people. Doctors take an oath to "do no harm" sometimes that means doing nothing. There is a responsibility when we take on the serious matters of charity. People's lives are at stake. Are we sure we are doing the right thing? I think we tend to take a lot more risk with other people's lives and problems than we would our own.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Movement
Some of the following info is extracted from "An Overview of American Transcendentalism" by
Martin Bickman, University of Colorado
In the 1830's to 1840's The American "Movement" of Transcendentalism was being shaped. From what i have read it never did take a distinct form agreed on by all who were a part of the "Movement" (as opposed to the "Establishment" as Emerson called the traditional static Church of that day). I was reading Walden by Thoreau and though i should do some brief research of where these great insights (key word for transcendants) were coming from. He talks about division of labor and to what extreme would it continue- should others think for us as well as build our houses and make our clothes? It made me think of my disgust with today's church once again. I was saying yes yes yes! That is a key problem with the Church is we let "leaders" think for us. I am going on record God does not desire this for us. Yes it is dangerous to allow God to direct us directly and yes there is room for input from others just not the fear driven control of so called pastors of today. It is a disease! OK I won't go to far down that road because i would be wasting my breathe.
Two back to back quotes were laid out in this article and I would like to expound on them a bit.
A Unitarian minister Orestes Brownson said
"Every positive form, however satisfactory it may be for the present, contains a germ of opposition to future progress. It contracts, by the very effect of its duration, a stationary character, that refuses to follow the intellect in its discoveries, and the soul in its emotions."
The disease it contracts is due to stagnation and that stagnation is a frozen ( when I was little we used to call them the frozen chosen when making fun of other Christians who weren't as charismatic as "us") state caused by fear and fragility. Many diseases are contracted due to stagnant water. I just picture a birdbath in the backyard overflowing with diseased mosquito larvae while we BBQ yards away unaware on the imminent danger.
Basically the fear of something worse is greater than the hope of something better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in his "Divinity School Address of 1838: "But the word Miracle, as pronounced by Christian churches, gives a false impression; it is Monster. It is not one with the blowing clover and the falling rain."
This quote was referring to the unhealthy emphasis on Miracles in that day as a proof of Christ's existence and power. It was a symptom of the materialistic nature- the senses were emphasized over higher intuitions popular among mystics throughout time. I called it the Thomas syndrome. I have a friend now who is really into Miracles. It is a trend and he is recommending books to read and teachers to listen to and seminars to travel to and attend. I don't read modern Christian books anymore because well they are crap really. Anyone can publish a book these days. This person like a lot of other Christians have a new "new thing" every few years and it is always the revival that will propel them to knew places in there relationship with God. They seem to be so focused on the new philosophy of the day that i believe they miss God. I believe the same thing happens in churches every week. I have done it. Meetings, strategy, talking about ministry and ministering but never doing it. Just doing events where most people had heard the same old stuff over and over again.
Christians often look for the fantastic and miss God in the amazing everyday Providences. We need to calm down and enjoy him. Miracles might happen but they usually don't by their very nature and i don't need them. Beware the generation that needs miracles to believe it is an unbelieving generation. I don't believe that miracles help people who don't believe they will still play the sceptic.
This entry is not about miracles really. It is about fear of trusting in God, fear of changing established forms, fear of going after the ideal and settling for mediocre.
Martin Bickman, University of Colorado
In the 1830's to 1840's The American "Movement" of Transcendentalism was being shaped. From what i have read it never did take a distinct form agreed on by all who were a part of the "Movement" (as opposed to the "Establishment" as Emerson called the traditional static Church of that day). I was reading Walden by Thoreau and though i should do some brief research of where these great insights (key word for transcendants) were coming from. He talks about division of labor and to what extreme would it continue- should others think for us as well as build our houses and make our clothes? It made me think of my disgust with today's church once again. I was saying yes yes yes! That is a key problem with the Church is we let "leaders" think for us. I am going on record God does not desire this for us. Yes it is dangerous to allow God to direct us directly and yes there is room for input from others just not the fear driven control of so called pastors of today. It is a disease! OK I won't go to far down that road because i would be wasting my breathe.
Two back to back quotes were laid out in this article and I would like to expound on them a bit.
A Unitarian minister Orestes Brownson said
"Every positive form, however satisfactory it may be for the present, contains a germ of opposition to future progress. It contracts, by the very effect of its duration, a stationary character, that refuses to follow the intellect in its discoveries, and the soul in its emotions."
The disease it contracts is due to stagnation and that stagnation is a frozen ( when I was little we used to call them the frozen chosen when making fun of other Christians who weren't as charismatic as "us") state caused by fear and fragility. Many diseases are contracted due to stagnant water. I just picture a birdbath in the backyard overflowing with diseased mosquito larvae while we BBQ yards away unaware on the imminent danger.
Basically the fear of something worse is greater than the hope of something better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in his "Divinity School Address of 1838: "But the word Miracle, as pronounced by Christian churches, gives a false impression; it is Monster. It is not one with the blowing clover and the falling rain."
This quote was referring to the unhealthy emphasis on Miracles in that day as a proof of Christ's existence and power. It was a symptom of the materialistic nature- the senses were emphasized over higher intuitions popular among mystics throughout time. I called it the Thomas syndrome. I have a friend now who is really into Miracles. It is a trend and he is recommending books to read and teachers to listen to and seminars to travel to and attend. I don't read modern Christian books anymore because well they are crap really. Anyone can publish a book these days. This person like a lot of other Christians have a new "new thing" every few years and it is always the revival that will propel them to knew places in there relationship with God. They seem to be so focused on the new philosophy of the day that i believe they miss God. I believe the same thing happens in churches every week. I have done it. Meetings, strategy, talking about ministry and ministering but never doing it. Just doing events where most people had heard the same old stuff over and over again.
Christians often look for the fantastic and miss God in the amazing everyday Providences. We need to calm down and enjoy him. Miracles might happen but they usually don't by their very nature and i don't need them. Beware the generation that needs miracles to believe it is an unbelieving generation. I don't believe that miracles help people who don't believe they will still play the sceptic.
This entry is not about miracles really. It is about fear of trusting in God, fear of changing established forms, fear of going after the ideal and settling for mediocre.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
my name is mark and i haven't posted in a long time
I don't even know why I am bothering. I guess because i was reading someone else blog and it was the same old Christian culture crap and I felt I should balance the universe. I still believe in Jesus and that there should be a Church. But I believe the Church is His People not a place to go or an activity to attend. Forcing people who don't like each other or at least who don't have much in common to meet together to sing a few tired songs and listen to a mediocre message from a person who is usually not gifted at speaking and then feel relieved because we have fulfilled our obligation is not church.
Now that I got that off my chest. My baby is almost 7 months now. I haven't been doing much lately just trying to get friends together to eat and a few odd commercials. The movie I was in last year debuted today "Ashita e no yuigon" or "Best Wishes for Tomorrow" (the English title). I played LT Corker. But really I was an extra. I was in 6 scenes but mostly you saw the back of my head. I had once scene with 2 lines. I already saw the movie last year at the Tokyo International Film festival. I can't say I was impressed. It was low budget and disjointed. The pieces didn't fit. They used a few main gaijin from Hollywood- One guy I don't remember his name but he was fairly decent with a lot of experience and Steve McQueen's son. One of his sons anyway from one of his many lovers. This guy was really bad or maybe it was the script. There were no close ups of us gaijin (foreigners) because it is a Japanese movie. That made it weird only to see the main's close up when he was speaking to me or others. There was something missing. It was like a monologue. They also cut out a few scenes I was in. The crew and director were really nice usually they treat you like shit here. The more you get paid the beter you are treated. I had 2 more war movie jobs that I turned down and one more I was an extra in just before I went back to the US over Christmas. The stories are all basically the same. The Japanese trying to say they are not bad people just a guy in a bad situation. They were just obeying orders after all. I have seen some very good Japanese films but I guess the agencies I work for don't handle these films. Commercials are the best jobs. They pay the best and they treat you better because you are getting paid more.
I have been thinking a lot about leaving Japan and going back to the US to study architecture. A pipe dream really. I dont even know if I would be happy doing it as a job. Is being happy the end goal of one's life? I guess people want to feel valued, feel like they are successful, contributing, helpful etc. But I just want to do what I am supposed to do. It just seems really purposeless living to work, especially do a job just because it pays well. That is a philosophical dilemma that is never ending.
I have also officially become tired of trying to keep ties with "old friends" and family for that matter. The effort is one sided. Yah yah everyone is busy. I just want to delete most of address book. Is that negative? tough shit! It is real. It is time to move on. It is like having a bank account that doesn't pay interest which is why I don't keep money in Japanese accounts.
I have been trying to write some fragments of songs but it is fragmented. I have not been creative in a long time but occasionally i get bits and bobs.
Maybe I will post again in 6 months
Now that I got that off my chest. My baby is almost 7 months now. I haven't been doing much lately just trying to get friends together to eat and a few odd commercials. The movie I was in last year debuted today "Ashita e no yuigon" or "Best Wishes for Tomorrow" (the English title). I played LT Corker. But really I was an extra. I was in 6 scenes but mostly you saw the back of my head. I had once scene with 2 lines. I already saw the movie last year at the Tokyo International Film festival. I can't say I was impressed. It was low budget and disjointed. The pieces didn't fit. They used a few main gaijin from Hollywood- One guy I don't remember his name but he was fairly decent with a lot of experience and Steve McQueen's son. One of his sons anyway from one of his many lovers. This guy was really bad or maybe it was the script. There were no close ups of us gaijin (foreigners) because it is a Japanese movie. That made it weird only to see the main's close up when he was speaking to me or others. There was something missing. It was like a monologue. They also cut out a few scenes I was in. The crew and director were really nice usually they treat you like shit here. The more you get paid the beter you are treated. I had 2 more war movie jobs that I turned down and one more I was an extra in just before I went back to the US over Christmas. The stories are all basically the same. The Japanese trying to say they are not bad people just a guy in a bad situation. They were just obeying orders after all. I have seen some very good Japanese films but I guess the agencies I work for don't handle these films. Commercials are the best jobs. They pay the best and they treat you better because you are getting paid more.
I have been thinking a lot about leaving Japan and going back to the US to study architecture. A pipe dream really. I dont even know if I would be happy doing it as a job. Is being happy the end goal of one's life? I guess people want to feel valued, feel like they are successful, contributing, helpful etc. But I just want to do what I am supposed to do. It just seems really purposeless living to work, especially do a job just because it pays well. That is a philosophical dilemma that is never ending.
I have also officially become tired of trying to keep ties with "old friends" and family for that matter. The effort is one sided. Yah yah everyone is busy. I just want to delete most of address book. Is that negative? tough shit! It is real. It is time to move on. It is like having a bank account that doesn't pay interest which is why I don't keep money in Japanese accounts.
I have been trying to write some fragments of songs but it is fragmented. I have not been creative in a long time but occasionally i get bits and bobs.
Maybe I will post again in 6 months
Monday, May 28, 2007
a crowd draws a crowd
excerpts from EVERYTHING COMES TO THOSE WHO WAIT by Yoko Hani:
"I came here after hearing about the long line," she said. "I queued for about 1 1/2 hours. I feel so happy to get doughnuts that you cannot easily get." says Yuko Sato
"I always line up when I find a long queue," said Shizuko Watanabe, 38, who said that she often joins lines outside food shops in department stores. "I line up first and then ask the person in front of me what we are waiting for," she explained.
"People often feel safe when they follow many others, especially when they lack information to judge for themselves," Matsui said.
These quotes are reffering to the new Krispy Kreme in Shinjuku. Kaoruko and i laugh when we go to our baby doctor because we have to pass the line to get there.
conformity at its best.
"I came here after hearing about the long line," she said. "I queued for about 1 1/2 hours. I feel so happy to get doughnuts that you cannot easily get." says Yuko Sato
"I always line up when I find a long queue," said Shizuko Watanabe, 38, who said that she often joins lines outside food shops in department stores. "I line up first and then ask the person in front of me what we are waiting for," she explained.
"People often feel safe when they follow many others, especially when they lack information to judge for themselves," Matsui said.
These quotes are reffering to the new Krispy Kreme in Shinjuku. Kaoruko and i laugh when we go to our baby doctor because we have to pass the line to get there.
conformity at its best.